And it is going to haunt me for weeks. Libations, Social stress, months of hurt burbling up inside. I uttered two of the most unkind, outright awful, mean sentences I have perhaps ever. I feel like shit but I can't take it back. Toxic waste spewing from my mouth. I could have chosen to reamin silent but I did not. I am so sorry I know it means little and that maybe you would be like whatever or let's not talk about it. I have been so hurt these last weeks. Why Why Why Why.
It has been a looooooong time. No one was really reading this stuff anyway but it seems a shame to waste a perfectly good blog. I am quite find of the name. So glad to have today off tommorrow I have to work at my job I am not so fond of. I work in a place that is supposed to be a place of healing but in reality it is the most toxic and dysfunctional environment ever. Surprise!!
I have been down the last few months. I am well aware of what one of the inciting incidents was. Climbing back up out of the hole.
I am obsessed with this musical you should check it out if you can:
and this too
Team Melchior all the way. Jonathan Groff is adorable although too young for me.
We have a lot of modern conveniances-remember when you used to just make plans with people and stick to them? Then you called their machine. Now your're standing in a crowd yelling "It's me in the blue sweater." I will be using express overnight mail from the US Postal service tomorrow in order to get my papers in ontime. While I am glad that for a mere $10.40 cents I can get them there I am also thinking if I had only snail mail to rely on would i have procrastinated as severly as I did?
I had an amy's pizza for dinner I think this could have some repurcusions later...
Saw Hotel Rwanda as it was the last day at BAM. I always prefer to watch movies in the theater even bad ones. That 2.85:1 ratio exists for a reason. DOn Cheadle was incredible. I remember hearing about Rwanda vaguely and even when I read the Goretikvich (sp?) book it was like how the hell do you kill that many people manually with machetes and the world just stands there watching?
Talked to D'smom this morning. She seems to be in that phase where small details (like wondering if I had emailed her back) are taking over her life. She says she got an email saying I was no longer with yahoo-have they invented some sort of bounce back spam?
Prozac Nation is on STARZ! tonight. I am sure Christina Ricci is depressed first cursed and now this. I did read the book and feel some sympathy for elizabeth wurtzel but as KDS once said to me "she won a rolling stone award how bad can her life be?" Depression is serious it is real. I have been there a bit myself but tell me the original cover of that book is not saying :fuck me i'm depressed.
Although the papers are done LOTS to be done tomorrow, the next day etc etc.
Ha ha ha I am SO clever. What a shitty day. I have this major deadline a week from today and what did I do this morning? Watch After Hours on HBO On Demand and sulk. Sulking is really abd for the skin. Went to acupuncture they stuck some needles in my face but the tinitus lingers on. Maybe I will see if I can add some photos on here...
I have been a little less than faithful with this blog I am going to try and bet better. Maybe not I am linked to madms blog someone will stumble over here and read it. I am supposed to be working my ass off on these yoga papers. My boyfriend picked me up this morning and were supposed to go to brucnh. I love brunch it is my favorite meal.
Best Brunches of my life
-the buffet at the marriot marquis view 2/91 the food is probably not all that great but the restaurant spins around
-paris commune (old location) 9/04 the french toast lives up to the hype
-huervos rancheros at florent 1997-2000 have not been there recently
-9th st market-oat meal with mascapone and walnuts SO good
I just saw a documentary called Lost Boys of Sudan-it is about some of the sudanese refugees who were brought to the states to work and go to school. I was crying through a lot of it. Maybe it was a flare up of middle class guilt but to think of the loneliness and struggle of these guys. They had been through so much already.
Started watching all about lily chou chou a chinese film about this boys obsession with a pop music star-i know how it ends but it seems pretty cool so far. good music. Reminds me of when I used to spend all my time in smasing pumpkins chat rooms.
For awhile I have been thinking that I need to keep this blog up some how. I am thinking of just writing about things I like/hate etc without getting into too much detail about my personal life. I want to thank elyse sewell the 3rd runner up on the 1st season of ANTM-I found her livejournal and shit if elyse is doin it I want to do it too.
Like:
the feeling of a new year
Sure another year has gone by and I will be another year older BUT you also can tear up the list of things you didn't get done last year and start fresh. Tabula Rasa children.
cuddling
maxim/stuff all those rags are clearly selling SEX Fucking (can you say that on here is michael powell going to bust through the window?) but no one seems to be promoting the cuddle. Cuddling is pretty damn cool. I was watching a movie with my sweetie yesterday and he wasn't so into the flick but it was nice to be in a dim room, head on his shoulder.
Hate
aggressive driving
just chill people
crap how do you get this to stop doing bold...
Remember when summer movie season started this weekend. This year we have been in the summer movie season for weeks already. I am going to go to see the day after tommorow with RC. I am not so excited abotut he movie but I enjoy her company and apparently the Bush administration is nervous about the movie.
I just started reading this blog Rance that is suposedly by some famous actor (maybe owen wilson) but in reality is probably someones fantasy life. I would love someone to do a blog where they are a mole in the republican party giving secrets to the democrats or something. All the new terrorit threat stuff is apparent in NYC already. They have signs everywhere about if you suspect terrorism or if you see something say something. I saw a guy touch a womans ass is that what they are talking about? I saw a cop looking into a car of the subway before it left the station. Like is that keeping things safer? I believe there is a terrorist threat. I am sure Al Queda is growing daily BUT I think the administration let this info out to get people scared so Bush can continue to justify his screwed up agenda.
I have hemmeroids. Well just one but it SUCKS.
Tonight The Last Days/Lycon Pictus at active driveway!!!! 395 graham ave
